Childbirth

I am scared to death of needles.  I always have been.  I don’t know where it comes from, but I can remember kicking and screaming while nurses at the pediatricians office tried giving me a shot in the rump.  I once took my dad with me to get dental work done, and I was twenty three!  I had a root canal and had to be put on anti anxiety medication.  When I had surgery last year, I had to be held down by three different nurses to get an IV started.  I stuck with my OBGYN not because of him, but because of of the lady who drew my blood, she was awesome.  

So the prospect of a giant needle going into my spine was not exactly appealing.  This was the main reason I wanted to avoid it.  I did not think that an epidural would be bad for my my daughter, but I just didn’t want one.

All through my pregnancy, people gave me advice.  When I said that I wanted a natural, drug free birth, several people told me I was crazy.  I had someone telling me, “Tell the doctor you want a scheduled c-section, it’s worth it.”  I had someone else telling me “Have them shoot you up as soon as possible.”  But everyone who had a natural childbirth said. “It’s so worth it.”  It always looked like people had more trouble recovering from the epidural than from the birth itself.  It seemed like an added bonus.   

So we signed up for a class.  We thought of the Bradley Method, but by the time we signed up, it was too late.  We found an online Lamaze class that had supplemental classes we could take in person locally.  I thought the class was perfect for us because of all of the traveling we would be doing around the holidays.  I learned quite a bit.  We didn’t take the local classes.  I thought I was prepared; I had a birth plan.  

The Plan

I knew that I wanted a drug free labor, but that was not always possible.  My mother and my sister both went so long that they had to be induced, so I knew that this was a possibility for me as well.  I knew from the classes that the drug used to induce or speed up labor makes your contractions harder.   I knew I would have to suck it up for an epidural at that point.  

If I was at home, I would take a bath and try to relax from the contractions, If I was at work, I would walk around to try and speed up labor.  Either way I would call my husband for him to take me into the hospital when the contractions reached ten minutes apart.  With all the walking I did on a daily basis as a preschool teacher, I expected a fast and easy labor.  

What Actually Happened

I went to my regular appointment with my doctor.  My  blood pressure had spiked pretty high.  I was diagnosed with gestational hypertension and told to get to the hospital.  I not only had to be induced, I needed to put on a magnesium drip.  I had to have two IV’s, one in each arm, plus a blood pressure cuff, and a catheter to catch my urine.  That’s right, I couldn’t get up and go to the bathroom for over two days.  Now in order to have a drug free birth it is necessary to move around.  You should be walking, squatting, or at the very least moving up and down in the bed.  It was impossible for me to get into any kind of position while hooked up to all of that extra stuff!  because of all this, I gave in and had the epidural.  

It came time to push after a full twenty four hours of being in labor.  At that point, the baby still hadn’t moved down, neither had my cervix,  when the doctor checked to see if I was dilated, it hurt quite a bit.  All of the things I knew from the classes to do that would get the baby in a better position, I couldn’t do!  I silently hoped for them to just slice me open and get the kid out of me!

At around 5:00 I got my wish.  They upped the drugs going through the epidural tube, and I was feeling good.  I took off my contacts, put on my glasses and prepared to be cut open like a watermelon.  They wheeled me into the operating room and at 5:20 PM, Angela Luisa Pilkey was pulled out of my body.  They wrapped her up and put her in front of my face.  She was adorable, and very tiny.  I gave her a little kiss on the nose.  It was all I could do.  I couldn’t hold her, either because of the c-section, or the magnesium.  

I was taken off the magnesium and wheeled back to labor and delivery, not to a regular room.  My baby was also taken from me and not brought back.  I didn’t see her until after 9:00.  All of the websites say this is a bad thing; mommies need to bond with their babies and not be separated from them for very long at all.  I didn’t spend that night with my baby.  

The next morning we both went to our own room.  From then on, I had a pretty good experience.  All of the magnesium was out of my system and my baby and I were doing great, with one exception,  I couldn’t nurse!  There were lactation consultants who were somewhat helpful, but they were only available during the day.  Anyone who has had a baby knows that it is a 24 hour per day process at first.  Babies need to be fed around the clock.  

I could barely feed her, and because she was so tiny, I was talked into supplementing her with formula, which I also didn’t want to do.  She got so used to eating from the bottle, she didn’t want to nurse directly, and it kind of hurt me.  I wanted what was best for her, and that included breast feeding.  Nothing was going according to plan.

Forty eight hours after my c-section, Angela and I were released from the hospital.  Her going home outfit didn’t fit, but luckily I had something else that worked.  

The next couple of days were kind of a blur.  I know I was on pain killers, my parents were around, and I couldn’t stand up straight.  The point is, even though nothing went according to plan, I have a wonderful, beautiful, healthy baby girl.  

I started this blog with the plan to write down all of my experiences to share them with everyone else.  I want people, including me to understand that not being a perfect parent doesn’t make you a bad parent.  I’m not an expert, I’m just a mom, and I want to share what works for me.  I would love others to leave comments and hear what works for them.